Chapter-4

Miranda slammed the door of the Markings’ and hurried down the stairs, her mind numb with memories of her past.

She couldn’t believe her best friend could be so insensitive about her and Michael. Like it was no big deal that the guy hanged himself with the same items she has bought with him. Like it was no big deal that she felt no remorse afterwards. Like it was no big deal that she never moved on from him.

At one point of her escape, she wished Dina would follow her and stop her from leaving. But apparently, her best-friend was too preoccupied entertaining her boyfriend and Dan.

She wished Dina hadn’t brought up Michael during the last conversation. Doesn’t she understand how hard it had been for the last one year, trying to forget all of it? Dina had never been in a serious relationship, nor had she bothered to. It was safe, in one way.

“Hey, Miranda. This is Dan here. He works at the local NGO. The same as Ryan.” The introduction had been enough to make Miranda realize the Dina was genuinely drunk. Dan was the same guy Dina was trying to set her up with.

She hadn’t said anything. Instead she had just gotten herself seated and smiled.

“Miranda had a boyfriend, guys. His name was Michael. A male chauvinist and a complete jerk.” Dina had slurred into her drink.

“Go slow, sugar. You are drunk.” Kevin had been careful as he had taken her hand in his. It had made Miranda wonder how many times Dina must have gone over with the story with Kevin.

“You had a boyfriend?” Dan had seemed interested and offended at the same time.

“Yes.” Before Miranda could answer, Dina had jumped into the conversation again.

“That jerk didn’t even propose her properly. Good thing he died. Cheers to that!” Dina had clinked her almost empty wineglass to the one placed for Miranda on the table.

“Miranda, I am really sorry. I …” Kevin had started to say, but it had been of no use.

“Shut up, Kevin. You are not sorry that he died. No one in this room is.” Dina had laughed.

This had been enough for Miranda. After a long time, she had felt so protective about him. In spite of all the calls from Kevin and Dan to calm down, she had walked out of the house.

Walking to her car hadn’t been any easier. She was constantly being reminded of those nights when Mike had walked her to her car and his easy conversations that made her wish the walks lasted longer. He asked about her often, and sweet enough, remembered all the details.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Michael had asked once, when she had told him about her parents’ complicated relationship.

“Are you crazy?” Miranda had laughed, even though the suggestion had stunned her.

“Man to man talks. It’s effective.” Mike had pursed his lips to avoid a laugh.

“Well, no thanks. If my dad hears about me dating a professional basketball player, he is going to flip.”

“What is wrong with that?” Michael had looked surprised.

“Well, Dad really wants to see me with someone more, you know, the geek types? He thinks it is risky when the guy is bigger because according to him, they get more aggressive and lose temper often.” Miranda had shrugged and turned to her side, avoiding eye-contact.

“You think I could be aggressive?” Those words had haunted her for the rest of her relationship and afterwards.

“My dad does. Not me. There is a difference.”

The kiss afterwards had been completely unexpected.

Shrugging those memories away were like plucking wool balls from an old wool sweater. No matter how hard she tried, she could never get all of them pulled out. And somehow, they managed to make their way back so finally the efforts proved useless.

“Get yourself together. Breathe. Concentrate on yourself.” Miranda chanted, trying to breathe as much as possible when she had gotten herself seated inside the automobile. Her parents had suggested a psychologist after the funeral, but she had declined, worried she might confess her heart out which might turn out as a major problem.

Driving down the road, she passed the town church and the burial grounds and a chill crept up her spine. Breathe. She wished she didn’t have to pass these grounds so often. But Dina was in town and if she wanted to meet her, she will have to take this route. Given, of course, she wanted to meet her after everything.

Chapter-3

“Mrs. Army! Mrs. Army, God bless you! You are still here.” Miranda rushed over to the middle-aged woman who was busy arranging a bunch of papers on her desk.

The older woman looked up with a stunned expression as Miranda jogged to her, out of breath.

“Breathe, girl, breathe.” Laughed Sheira Army, putting a kind hand on Miranda’s shoulder.

“I am so sorry. The boss had told me to inform you to stay back for the business meeting on fourth floor, but I dozed off at my desk. I was so worried that you might have left. The boss would probably have had my head for lunch if it would have happened.” Miranda was out of breath again, struggling with the words. She placed her hand over her heart, trying to calm down in the process.

“I wouldn’t have let him do that, would I now?” Sheira smiled. She put her bunch of papers on her work desk and looked up.

Walking back to the reception counter, Miranda heaved a sigh of relief, got seated and started to think of less stressful things like grocery. Which reminded her that she was supposed to do the grocery today. Damn! Mom would be so mad by now.

The phone ringing at her desk snapped her out of her momentary stance, bringing her back to present. Clearing her throat, she picked up the receiver.

“Houston and Joelle’s. How may I help you?” Miranda chanted mechanically.

“Oh, you can help me by joining me and Kevin for supper tonight. And do dress your best because I have got you a date.”

“Crap! Dina, are you nuts? I will get fired if my boss hears about this!” Miranda’s voice dropped into a hush as she frantically searched around to make sure no one was eavesdropping. Apparently, no one was.

“I called you. I sent you voice messages and text messages. No reply.” Dina grumbled on the other side, offended.

Miranda looked around again, running her eyes over her co-workers. No one was watching.

“Call you later.”

Putting down the receiver, she breathed more easily. Seconds after her terminal shock, she quickly dug into her bag and flipped open her cell phone. Seventeen missed calls. Three voice messages. Eight text messages.

Miranda went for the text messages. She can keep the missed calls and voice messages for later.

First one was from her mother.

“Your dad did grocery. Bought me a pretty white blouse too. No need to stop at the mall. Love, Mom. J”

Miranda smiled and moved to the next one. This was from Dina, of course. So were the next four.

“Y wont u pick up d damn phone? L”

“Supper at 8. My residence. With Kevin n Dan. Wear dat pretty black dress. ;)”

“Babe, u r testing my patience. Yes or no?”

“M calling u. On ur work phone. Stop me if u can.”

“Dan is a rlly good guy. Trust me, u will find him a lot better than d other guy. And he has got good taste in music. I showed him ur pic n he has gone crazy.”

Miranda rolled her eyes. She was really tired of the way Dina had been trying to set her up since Michael left.

The last two messages were from an unknown number. Curious, Miranda opened them up.

“Hi. Dan here. Sorry, I cudnt stop myself from taking ur number. U have a rlly cute smile and I am rlly excited to meet u up at supper 2nite. Rlly want to knw u more.”

Too many ‘rlly’s in one text.

“Hope u aren’t mad at me 4 taking ur number. U r so beautiful. Maybe we can hang out someday. Get to know each other. Wat do u say? Savvy? XD”

One look at the texts and Miranda could tell they would never ‘click’. None of the ‘you are so pretty’ ever worked on her. Miranda was always into guys who knew how to maintain their self-respect while falling for a girl. Michael was like that. Intense and mysterious. He liked keeping things to himself. When she first started thinking about him, she was so unsure about how he felt about her. He was always so reserved. Never giving in to feelings. Even when he walked her to her house, he avoided the constant hand-holding that couples in love usually do. It was beautiful because it was uncertain. She was uncertain if he saw her the same way she saw him. It was that one crazy day, when while paying for the coffee, a piece of paper dropped from his wallet. She had picked that up, hoping he would make a grab for it. But he never did. He stood there, stunned, his teal eyes slightly worried. Curiosity played its part and there was this short note that cleared everything.

It read:

“I hope I can be everything you deserve, Miranda. I am so sorry, but I think I have fallen for you.”

Chapter-2

“Surprise, surprise!” Dina Marking grinned as she entered the door of the Sullies’, a purple fur coat dangling over her shoulder. Purple shades, purple earrings and purple high-boots marked her already all-purple outlook.

Miranda wished her best friend would someday grow out of her all-in-one-color look. Not like it was unfashionable-because it wasn’t- it just kept getting boring each day. Dina had been popular since Miranda could last remember, the basic reason being her fashion sense and her quirky attitude.

“You were supposed to come over yesterday, as far as I remember.” Miranda spoke as they both made their way to the kitchen, which had been their favourite hangout spot in the Sully Residence, starting from stealing brownies to doing their last minute Math’s assignments in high school.

“Unpacking took long enough.” Dina rolled her eyes, taking a seat at the counter.

Unpacking always takes long enough for Dina. She would pack all sorts of stuff during her visits, because she practically spent all her days in town clubbing and partying. She was the kind of girl who strongly believed in ‘living today’ and made sure she lived up to her mottos.

“I am assuming your parents are back together?” Dina shrugged when Miranda looked like she was out of words.

“Yes. They are.” Miranda sighed and smiled.

The biggest news of this year was that her parents had finally put their differences away and had decided to move in together. And not just move in, they had decided to drop the divorce case and give their relationship a try. Which shouldn’t be hard because they had lived for more than twenty-five years together. She hoped it lasted this time. Yes, they had been married, but above all, they had been best friends and the divorce was just putting a big hole in this relationship.

“Is that good?” Dina chewed on chewing gum, raising an eyebrow.

“What the heck, Dina? Of course, it is.”

“Don’t take it hard, honey. Wasn’t your mom seeing this Ryan guy from the local NGO?” Dina shrugged again, and rolled her eyes. She got up and opened the door of the fridge, pulling out a can of coke and returned to the counter.

“No, she wasn’t. Get lost.” Miranda got up disgusted. Most of the times, she wished she had never known Dina because her so-called best friend managed to get on her nerves every single time her parents were mentioned. The reason was because Dina’s own mother got married for the third time last summer and her dad had lost all beliefs on a strong marriage and had passed on his thinking to his only daughter.

“Miranda, calm down, babe. You know how I am. I just don’t think relationships work that way. People get bored.” Dina followed her to the living room, the can of coke tightly secured in her fingers.

This is how it has always been, from day one- each and every conversations about their parents had brought only fights. Both saw marriage in different ways. Dina was convinced that there was no such thing as permanent love or marriage. Miranda believed that a relationship could be made strong if both the individuals were ready to sacrifice for it. To her best friend though, this was just compromising with one’s happiness and she wasn’t willing to do that. She was dating a guy named Kevin Auckley for two months now, and this was probably her sixth relationship. Kevin was an okay guy, according to Miranda. But she knew it won’t last. It never lasts with Dina Marking.

“You know, when you start compromising, the relationship starts getting one-sided. Like how it was with Michael.” Dina would always say, after Michael had passed away and Miranda had confessed about how she feared he might never leave. How she was glad this had ended. How much she missed Michael but relieved that he might never come back.

“You let him run over you. You let him crush your self-esteem. You let him kill that once crazy side of you. You let him murder you while you were still breathing. Forget forgiving him. How could you forgive yourself for what you let him do to your soul?” Dina had been in one of her rarest moods back then. She was all about feelings and advises.

People had been so supporting back then. Even Mike’s parents, who were themselves in their worst state. Her high school friends, her college friends, her neighbors, her parents- everyone. People would come around, spend time with her and listen to her. Listen to her lies. Lies that she had trained herself to tell with a poker face. Lying had never seemed so easy until then.

“You should get your parents and your priorities out of your head for a while, you know? Go and get some life. Have fun. What say, babe? We can crash Janie’s party, get drunk and forget what life is about, if only for a night?” Dina’s light blue eyes lightened up at her own suggestion.

Miranda shook her head in dismay.

“I think you need to leave. Right about now.”

“Serious?”

“Damn serious.” Miranda walked up to the door and opened it for Dina.

“Fine. Call me when you change your mind, sweetie. I will always be around.” Her best-friend smiled as she picked up her purple hand-bag. She quickly turned around and flung her arms around Miranda.

“I love you so much, babe.” She said, cradling Miranda in her bear hug.

“I love you too,” Miranda spoke at her shoulder. In spite of all her rudeness and attitude, Dina has always been around. She was there when her parents separated. She was the one who assured that everything will be fine and that life moves on. She was the first one who warned her about Michael, but still tried to cheer her up when her relationship was on rocks. One time, she was even ready to go the police station to report about her boyfriend. Yes, she has always been around. Miranda owed her that.

“Last question, Miranda. Are you still thinking about Michael?”

A question Miranda had come to dread as of today. She should have known this was coming.

“I think I have moved on, Dina.” She smiled, breaking from the hug.

“Are you sure?” Her best-friend raised an eyebrow, struggling to look past her calm face.

“You would be able to tell if I was lying, won’t you?”

Thoughts of Michael streamed into her mind like tides of flashbacks, making her weak at her knees. Their first date, when he just kissed her hand like a gentleman, without all of those classic roses and kneeling down. To her wild amazement, it was exactly how she wanted it to be. His “Mind if I hold your hand?” always got her grinning like an idiot. She was head over heels for him in full swing. Those stomach butterflies would go crazy every time he was around. Her heart would do uncountable somersaults when his lips broke into an unpredictable smile. He had a good idea how he was affecting her, Miranda knew that very well. He would look surprised, though and laugh at her innocence. Yes, that was Michael. She always wondered how can a guy be so perfect? She had no idea back then about imperfection and humans- faithfully interwoven. Soulless marionettes to time and fate.

“Yeah. I would be able to do that.” Dina grinned and left.

A gust of wind pushed her locks away as she watched Dina walk down the stairs of her porch. Working up a smile when Dina turned back to wave her goodbyes, she waved back and seconds later, she closed the door.

“No, Dina. He is still in my mind. He still keeps calling me in my nightmares, telling me to stay away from guys other than him. He still digs into my cheeks with his fingers until it hurts. He still hits me with his shoulder, bruising mine in the process. He still wonders if I love him, Dina.”

A tear rolled down her cheek, as his calm face flashed in front of her eyes, clear as crystal. Only Miranda knew the man behind the calmness, a devil in disguise. People say that when you have got over someone, their face fades away from your mind, with only blurred memories to remind you that the person existed. Miranda wondered why that never applied on her memories with Michael. They had been as clear as they had been three years ago. Scary and dangerous yes, but clear. The darkness felt like her only hope, because the light of her memories kept blinding her.